Connectedness - Nothing is Coincidence

I told someone once that God will guide me by circumstance. They had cornered me in University College and I had really just said that to get rid of them, however I now realize that's how God had been leading me until I sought him out.

Joe had convinced me to visit his church. I couldn't help but chuckle when I saw the name of the Church; Saint Joan of Arc.

Saint Joan had managed to always pop up in my life. I found a book about her when I was five and it was one of the first things I read after learning to read. A little later I had become an avid card game player and St. Joan had saved me several times.

The first mass I had attended kept me on my toes. I hadn't been to any mass services in a while and was trying to remember what i was supposed to do. In the midst of all the confusion I had managed to hear a message about learning more on Catholicism. I didn't plan on attending (although it did spark my interest), but later Jacqueline, Joe's girlfriend, asked me to go so she wouldn't be alone.

After sitting awkwardly in a basement full of people I didn't know for a few weeks, I eventually warmed up to the group. It was hard to stick with for a while.

I felt obligated to answer these questions, but they were deep and profound questions on subject I had just heard of, let alone had time to process and form an opinion. So I just sat and listened to other people's thoughts and stories.

When the discussions went over my head, I would ask Joe and then later Scott, my sponsor, about exactly what was going on. As the classes continued, I understood more of the conversation, and had eventually decided that this was something I wanted to be a part of.

The culmination of the class took place at Easter Vigil, the Saturday before Easter.

After sitting my family toward the back of the church (to avoid general disruptiveness) I went to the meeting place for the people entering the church and the sponsors that helped see them through the process.

It was hard for me to pay attention to what was going on. I tried, but the excitement and nervousness kept my mind on the fact I was getting baptized. I kept imagining something spectacular, either good or bad, would happen. My biggest fear was that I had something wrong with me or my understand and the holy water would be like acid or cause me to burst into flames.

Besides getting a burn on my fingers from candle wax, the baptism went with out injury or spontaneous combustion. Father Guy called my name and I walked up, in what felt like a jerky motion. My heart was beating a million miles a minute. I glanced over at Joe and I'm pretty sure he was just as excited I was. I tilted my head over the holy water.

Father Guy said, "Nicholas..." my saints name. I see my uncle jump up from the back and then my grandma get up just as quickly. She grabs his ear and pulls him down. "... I baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit." He poured the water over my head.

I stood for a second expecting something to happen. No bright light, no burning feeling or bursting into flames. I walk back in about the same jerky fashion that carried me over to the baptismal tub in the first place.

Even after the baptism I had remained distracted. I wondered exactly what I had gotten myself into, what exactly just happened, what was going on now. I think that's the reason we had rehearsal earlier that day. It was easier to do the practiced motions than to actually try and figure out what I was supposed to do.

After Mass was over I looked for my family. I knew they wouldn't be comfortable being agnostic or staunchly protestant. They left almost immediately, but I didn't mind.

After I went home I sat and thought about what had happened. I'm still working through everything and I think I always will. I don't really know where I'm going, but I'll get wherever it is, eventually. Hopefully.