Realizations

I went to a friends 21st birthday party last night. It was a normal party, everyone was having fun, I wasn't drinking too much. Played a couple of games of beer pong, tried to meet new people (which never turns out good) and just tried to have a good time.

Then a large group of people that I didn't know came in the door. So I guzzled down three more mixed drinks, making me more than just slightly intoxicated. To be honest I've been needing that level of intoxication for a while, and that provided a great excuse.

I felt kind of bad being that drunk, but there was no way I could handle that many people. I feel a lot better about myself and more open when I get to that point, which is the type of person I need me to be.

I've also come to the conclusion that I'm not really needed. I can't remember the last conversation someone else had started with me and them not needing anything in particular. I know I'm needed to get things done, but I'm not really needed at all for anyone personally. I know I can be difficult to talk to, but it'd still be nice.