Hobbs is an amazing person. A conqueror of many women. Slayer of wookies. He once saved a baby from a burning building by jumping out of the window five stories high.
He left his post as interim fire-chief to become a world renowned cancer researcher. After developing the HPV vaccine, he turned his attention towards dentistry and refining the way British people care for their teeth.
Through all of his noble deeds, Hobbs still sought out a life of simplicity (well simple for him). His job being done at the cancer research pavilion and the dentistry school in Indianapolis, Hobbs has now turned his attention to optometry school in Bloomington.
After mastering optometry and curing blindness worldwide, he will be studying with Lord Zordon to become a Power Ranger, and save the world from countless evils.
After retiring from being a Power Ranger, Hobbs will take the Pokemon League Challenge. Afterward, he hopes to live out the rest of his life peacefully on his Pokemon Ranch on Mars.
Although a great person, he has also found time to give to me. Albeit short, it was much fun. From approximately 12:23 A.M on August 18, until 10:30 A.M that same day, we were best friends. He told me funny stories about friends' penises, and them acting completely different from how they normally do. But to save the world, one must make sacrifices and I understand.
So it is with this tribute that I send off our great Hero, Will Hobbs, the secretary, leading cancer researcher, astronaut, and crash test dummy. Good luck, and Godspeed.
A side note: Hobbs is the only person to ever beat Chuck Norris in hand to hand combat.
"Conqueror of women?"
ReplyDeleteSo, like, he knocks them over and stands triumphantly on them?